Yesterday, the day that nobody remembered…

… me.

that's not quite true.  The Divine Miss C remembered. but it feels like she was the only one.  I asked B on Monday if I could stay at his place last night so I could go to a group for gay Christians.  I also suggested a Wine Time afterwards.  Yesterday while I was killing time between the end of uni and the group, Ben came home, and when I asked about the Wine Time, he said he "forgot" and was going to stay at his bf's place.  How hard is it to remember for one frigging day?!?!  I mean seriously.  And it's not like the bf isn't invited to wine times.  So that was bugging me.

Then I went to my gay Christians group.  This is usually a really recharging experience, and I rarely go away feeling worse than when I arrive.  But last night was one of those nights.  Right on the heels of being forgotten by B, I got basically ignored by the group.  Now, I'm sure that it wasn't intentional, but it hurts nonetheless.  To explain:  The group I go to is basically a support group for GLBTI people and their friends/family/supporters with a bit of a Christian focus.  Each meeting we have a little bit of a devotional thingy and an opening prayer, and then we go around the group talking about how our month was.  Mine has been a bit crappy, a bit hectic, a bit up and down, and just generally exhausting.  We had a quasi-new member this week, (a number of the group had met him before and knew him for his efforts in GLBTI reconciliation in his local area)  and we got him to talk to us about his life and his locale.  then we went around the table.  I was sitting next to the newbie, and the guy on the other side of me started talking about his month.  They got right around the table to the girl sitting next to Newbie, and then just broke off and started talking amongst themselves.  I said in a clear, loud voice, to no-one and everyone in particular "My month has been exhausting!" and one person said, the third time I said it, "I don't think they've noticed, so just tell me"  This was quite sweet, and I must send an email to the guy thanking him, but it highlighted that no-one else had noticed at all.  I live the furthest away out of the whole (regular) group (the newbie was from further away) and going to the group impacts 2 days out of my week. (I stay in town, which involves all the inconveniences that staying somewhere not-your-home entail) Not to mention the fact taht I worked extra-hard so I'd have time to go to it. I'm left wondering if I should send an email to those present.  On any other day, or for any other month, I'd probably be fine.  but that day, the month just gone, I needed to have my spill, and it hurt that they didn't even notice that I didn't get a chance.

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8 thoughts on “Yesterday, the day that nobody remembered…

  1. I wouldn't try to fix it through an email; but that's because I don't know the people in your group and how they'd react to it. I know that in groups I've been associated with in the past any time a grievance was raised via email it ended up in a shit-fest. If you want the issue addressed and resolved it might be better to bring it up in a non-accusatory way at your next meeting. Just say that you felt hurt by their passing you over because you really needed their support more than usual that time. And that the only reason you're bringing it up is to make sure it doesn't happen in the future to some other member (pointing out that you're doing it for other members' sake might remind them that paying attention to each member is good for the entire group, not just for the individual).If it were any other type of group ignoring a member could be excused, depending on the circumstances. Given that the sole purpose of the group's existence is to provide support for people, and people in a group that is often sidelined by society, ignoring a member is in pretty bloody poor form!Feel free to vent to me any time you like! We'll form our own support group. Just don't ask me to do a banner for it because I've been notoriously slack in that regard! (Sorry about the continued delay on that – I've got two freelance jobs on at the moment so all personal projects have been sidelined for the moment unfortunately).

  2. I agree with EWQ. Don't do it by email. People read their own tone into stuff and if it's important then you should perhaps just bring it up next time.

  3. EWQ, you're an absolute gem. In fact, I vented to Miss C over lunch before I posted this… TY for taking care of the I, btw. This is one of those things. You're absolutely right, doing it by email is almost always a bad thing, and it's not something I would normally consider… buuut, here's why I am (considering it)… the next meeting of this group is the evening of the 6th of November, a day C might recognise as the first of my two exams. I don't want to have to explain that I needed support previously and didn't receive it on a night when I will also need support. I kinda wondered if it's worth even raising. But then I thought about how close I was to bursting into tears at degrees with C today, and realised that it's important. Until I read these responses I was going to write the email now and then sleep on it before I sent it. I think I'll sleep on it, and maybe call the guy who noticed I'd been missed out before I make a decision (he was there longer than I was, and may (I hope) have raised this anyway).The worst thing is that usually, I go feeling whatever it is that month, and come away feeling much better, recharged, probably even happier. This time I just felt worse.Thankyou both for your support. I'm smiling right now, and for that I'm incredibly grateful.

  4. I'm so glad you're feeling a bit happier now! That's the important thing! I agree that talking to your friend in the group about this is a good idea. Definitely sound him out about the email. The two of you know the group far better than I do, so you'll know if it will make things better or worse by addressing it in an email. Is there a group leader you could take your grievance to? If there's one person coordinating the whole thing it's really up to them to make sure everyone's needs are addressed. Perhaps you should send the email to him (or her) or phone him (or her) to discuss this issue.I agree that you don't want to raise this at your next meeting when you'll already be under stress due to your exams.

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