Why having a family some day is important to me

The ACL, FVA, and other “Family Values” groups are all for the rollback of QLD’s Surrogacy laws, claiming it as a victory for the rights of the child.  I would argue that these groups are actually taking a very anti-family stance in their fight against GLBTI equality.  I shouldn’t need to choose between my home and the chance to raise a family – how is destabilising parents’ living situations possibly in the best interests of a child?  Shouldn’t children have the right to two loving parents who unequivocally want them?

I don’t know why other people want children.  All I know are my reasons:

The joy of new life

Bringing a child into the world is, I am told, an amazing experience.  It is a miracle unfolding into every aspect of your life, transforming you forever from mere adult to father.  From someone responsible for himself, a partner, and maybe a dog, to having an entire little human being dependent on you. It can do nothing but change you.

The shaping of the future

I believe that families are one of the basic building blocks of society.  They are where children feel safe, loved, and nurtured.  They are where values are instilled, and where the next generation of Australia is shaped. They are the place that the next generation learns what it is to be Australian.  Like all of us, I want to pass what I believe to be right and true on to the next generation.  I want to give a child a better life than I have had.  Isn’t that what most parents want for their children?

Because I have always wanted to

I shouldn’t need to explain my reasons. Straight people don’t need to.  Straight people don’t need to *have* a reason in order to have a child.  It can “just happen”. We are raised to want to raise our own families.  I love children, and one day want to raise my own with the man I one day hope to be able to marry.  I mean, isn’t that the fairy-tale ending?  Marry the handsome prince and have wonderful children together? Why am I barred from living this very simple dream?

What’s stopping me from doing this?

Nothing, from a purely technical standpoint.  I could quite reasonably go to the pub, pick up, get a girl pregnant, and 9 months later “voila! Child!”  Some states would even let my husband adopt the child.  Apart from the fact I’m not sure I could function with a woman, apart from the concern over STIs, this is clearly having sex with someone who is not my dearly beloved.  I believe in monogamous relationships.  I shouldn’t have to cheat in this day and age to raise a family.  Clearly this kind of arrangement is how the ACL, FVA, and the rest of those groups would prefer GLBTI couples to be “acquiring babies”, rather than ensuring the safety of the participants, due diligence, transparency, and supporting the commitment of monogamous same-sex couples trying to build a family.

How is what I described different to a straight guy going to the pub and knocking some girl up by accident?  Technically… it’s not.  Same basic biological processes and all.  The difference is intent.  As a gay guy with zero interest in the female body, the only way I can ever have a family is to adopt, find a surrogate, or cheat with a woman.  

My children will never be able to say they were not wanted.  They will never hear that they were an accident.  Their very existence would prove otherwise.  How is that not in the best interests of the child?

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One thought on “Why having a family some day is important to me

  1. So many people I see in my field of work don’t deserve the children they keep having – one after the other, as I guess is their biological right – but it is really a serious wrong doing by society – these children are not loved and nurtured and are not equipped to be successful fully participating members of society. A child who is nurtured and shown love, who forms a secure attachment with a primary care giver has a much better chance at life – two males in a long term relationship who really want a child can provide this – provide so much more than these hetero couple breeding like rabbits and draining our tax payer dollar to fund their welfare dependent lifestyles.

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